I Am Divinity

Session 2

Channeled by John McCurdy during a live Zoom session on 25 October 2023

This transcript has been edited from the original recording to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed as clearly as possible. Note that Hmm, Mmm, and lines with just a dot signify places to pause, and to feel into what is being said.

Thank you to Chris Vandermeer for managing Zoom during the session, and for helping to prepare this transcript.

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John: Welcome everybody!

And yeah, it’s been interesting times.

So let’s go ahead and play the music, Chris, and  get started.

[music plays]

Master Anna: I am that I am!

Master Anna, of Magical Service.

Ahh…

[a pause as John feels his way into the energies of the message]

Hmm…

We’re messing with John a little bit, but let’s get right to it.

Welcome home!

Welcome home!

Mmm…

In our last session we talked about coming home, so let’s just go there again right now.

Remember…

Deep in your memories you all remember the very beginning of experience.

You found yourself as pure consciousness.

You didn’t know anything, for there wasn’t anything to know. You had no experience.

But you sensed yourself and you asked, Who am I?

Mmm…

And in that instant you found yourself, to use a human metaphor, looking in your own eyes in this mirror image (for lack of a better expression) of you.

Oh, it was just you, and this was all happening inside of you. Inside of your own imagination.

Mmm…

And this reflection of you said, “Ah, my dear self, I am going to show you who you are, who we are!”

You could say it was like an explosion. You’ve heard it called the “Wall of Fire,” because it felt like you were suddenly shredded into all these fragments of you. They weren’t really fragments, though. They were just different perspectives of you. Different experiences of you.

So a part of you said, “I am going to dive into this incredible…” Ah, the word “picture” comes to mind, but it was far beyond a picture. It was this whole universe of universes within your imagination, all within you.

You said, “I am going to dive in, and I am going to explore this reflection of who I am.”

So, part of you dove in. Part of you stayed behind to hold the tether, so to speak, to hold your safety line, and to collect the essence and the wisdom from the experiences.

We could say “the knowledge” from the experiences, but that’s a little bit too much the province of the human mind. But it’s part of it.

All of this experience, all of these perspectives, you went to explore it.

You created space, or an illusion of space. Remember, this is all inside your imagination. And you created time to go with space, because it was necessary. You can’t have one without the other. Then you dove into this time-space reality, and eventually you created Earth and all these experiences here.

Along the way you felt these others. Oh, they have no access to your own imagination or to your own creation, which is all inside of you. They have no access to that, but you could feel them.

We’ve talked in other places about their song, and how your song could interact. Or another way is to say that you could talk to each other, and you said, “Wow, look at what I’m creating here!”

And then that communication went out and they could see through that, and they thought, “Oh, that’s cool!” and they started creating something similar. Then somebody else joined in, and all of your songs started mixing and blending together and feeding back, and you started creating like their creation. And you started blending it all together into this thing you call Mass Consciousness, this grand experience, all inside of you!

Oh, those other beings are not inside of you, but you create an avatar within your own imagination that acts as a reflection of them. And so you have this playground, much like your teenager’s video games, only much, much deeper.

Mmm…

Video games all run inside your computer. And yet, you can interact with people all around the world through this communication network [the internet], and you can see their avatars within your game. Well, this is kind of the same.

So you went through all of these experiences, and now you come to the time where you have explored pretty much everything there is to explore, at least in this particular scenario, and so you have woken up.

.

Now, in your own imagination, see this part of you that stayed in the background.

This part of you that is the creator.

It is the imaginer.

It is, in a sense, the feminine.

It is your soul, your divinity.

And now, you are looking in her eyes again.

.

Go ahead and let yourself, within your imagination.

You might feel like you are making it up, but the truth is that you can’t make anything up. It’s all real, because it is all you.

See you coming to her.

Mmm…

Her arms are open wide, welcoming you home.

Ahh…

But how…

Oh, you’ve had all these experiences, and so many of them you didn’t understand. In so many of them you felt hurt. In so many of them you felt like a failure. You felt like you got it wrong. So how can you possibly come home to such a beautiful, loving, welcoming being?

Mmm…

But here you are, dear friend, looking in the eyes of your own divinity.

Feel the love.

Feel the unconditional love.

From her perspective you were never a failure. It was just experiences. It was just showing you, and her, who you are.

You are that too: the deepest and the darkest experiences were part of who you are, and from her perspective they are so beautiful! Such a beautiful contrast!

How could you know love, without experiencing its opposite?

How can you know the light, without the dark?

How can you know pleasure, without the pain?

And so you brought it all into the light, you could say. Into the consciousness, the awareness, of you.

All of those things, every single experience you’ve had in any lifetime, or in any other experience outside of time and space, is all part of you.

So look in your own soul’s eyes, and feel the love.

Mmm…

Part of you is afraid that you will somehow damage her, or pollute her, but that is not possible.

How can you pollute consciousness? You can’t.

How can you pollute the truest love there ever was? You can’t.

So, look in her eyes.

Feel her love.

Allow yourself to accept her embrace.

Right here, right now, in your own imagination.

It is completely real.

.

Once you do, notice how you are blending together.

Notice how you are suddenly feeling the sensation of expanding, of being more than you were, as you feel her perspective and her wisdom becoming part of you.

Let it happen.

Allow this beautiful blending to take place.

.

Mmm…

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And now, we say again, welcome home!

.

It is done.

It is finished.

You are home.

.

It is done.

The integration is done.

There is no need for more integration!

Oh, you’re going to feel like it for a while, because you are still getting used to each other again.

Like a couple who have to go apart for a time, when they come back they find out they’ve changed a lot during that time, and so they have to get used to each other again. That’s what is happening.

You and your divinity are getting used to each other.

.

But it is a done deal.

The real integration has already happened, and you have already come home.

Hmm…

Oh, you thought coming home was going somewhere. But it isn’t.

It is just you, and home has come to you.

Right here, while you are still in this body on Earth.

(Or you think you are, but it’s just a part of your imagined experience.)

Now your soul is all excited, because it can be here with you!

No more separation!

It can join into this experience with you, and it wants to. It wants to actually experience playing this game, first person for a little while, with you. As you.

Mmm…

So once again, welcome home!

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Allow your own soul, your own divinity, to welcome you home.

.

Mmm…

Now, we know that this ‘getting to know each other again’ part has been a little bit rough lately, so let’s talk about that.

How has it been for you lately?

[Pause to wait for participants]

Maybe let’s start with the question somebody sent in, Chris.

Chris: All right. Our question for today:

“Hello, Master Anna.

It is truly an up and down process. Meanwhile, seven months have passed since Heaven’s Cross and it is the most eventful time in this life. I’m interested to know if anybody has fully integrated by now. Is there something like a tendency in terms of the course of development of the past seven months?

I mean, in terms of the duration of the process, I think that from your position, you have a better overview than the person who is still exposed to the Mass Consciousness. So, I would like no exact data but simply a realistic tendency.

Thank you very much.”

Master Anna: Indeed, you just heard the answer to part of your question.

And, of course, it’s all coming through human words, so nothing here should be taken as set in stone. Because we are trying our best to articulate something that doesn’t even fit in words.

But as we see it, the real truth is that the integration is indeed done. If you choose it to be done.

So if you are willing, come back…

Just go into your imagination, and come back.

Go back in time, if you want to think of it that way, but it’s really just coming back to the now moment when you first asked that question, “Who am I?”

And you come back to that now moment and you say, I am that I am.

You look into the eyes of your soul and say, “I am that I am. I am all of this! I got lost for a while in all these experiences, but it is all me!”

And then the integration is done.

You are complete. You are a whole.

Now, there are a lot of habits you picked up, especially at the human level, that we are letting go of as we can.

Oh, you could have just popped out at that point and become another ascended master. That’s what they did. But you said, “I want to stay here on Earth and have a little bit of fun first, from a whole different perspective!” Like if the player of a video game could suddenly jump into the computer and be fully in the game for a little while.

So here you are, with your soul like never before.

Oh, it’s an entirely different reality than you are used to, so it feels weird. It messes with your body, it messes with your mind, but that’s all human stuff. Your soul is here, and it is helping you with that.

How long does it take? We don’t know. It’s kind of up to you. How long do you want to stay here and play?

John asks himself that every now and then: “What am I doing here? I don’t need to be here anymore and sometimes it really hurts, and sometimes the people around me are all crazy. And the world is crazy! Why am I here?”

And then he remembers. He has two reasons. One is that he finally has the relationship he looked for all his life.

Hmm…

Both relationships: A relationship with me, his soul, and a relationship with an incredible woman, and he doesn’t want to leave that just yet.

But the real reason is because he looks at what’s happening and he’s like, “I really want to see this through! I really want to know how this plays out! My soul here, now, on Earth, learning to live in a whole new way.”

And sometimes that’s difficult, because it means all the old ways have to fall apart in order to make room for the new ways of living. And that’s rough sometimes, for the human. And that’s when you feel into your soul and come back to this moment.

Feel her arms around you.

Feel her blending with you, and hear what she has to say.

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You can hear her. Just imagine it.

Let yourself make it up, because that will be your soul talking to you. You know the difference between your mind’s fear games and the inspiration that comes from your soul.

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So ask your own soul: What is happening right now?

And feel the answer.

.

Mmm…

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What else?

How have things been lately for you?

Silvia?

Silvia: I’m just laughing because there is chaos around me! People doing noises on the roof, they are changing the roof because of the hail, and then people that I didn’t expect to come, they just come cleaning the house.

My family is not at home. My child is sleeping, and he’s supposed to be at school. Chaos everywhere! Chaos! My earphones don’t connect with the computer. But I’m laughing!

But I’m laughing because, as a human I enjoy the life. I enjoy it deeply and I am connected to what I am doing, and the human is scared that it’s gonna be in a reality that it never will get out. She’s forgetting the AND.

It’s chaos around, and I am here with the human. So the human is learning to connect with me. The human doesn’t sense me as before, and that’s why she is having a lot of doubts, because it doesn’t sense me like it was before. Before she can hear me, she can sense me, but now it’s a little bit difficult even though I’m here.

[laughter]

But it’s funny! It’s funny because I am enjoying life in another point of view!

Master Anna: Indeed!

Silvia: It’s like, fully, no more limitations. It’s like learning to play the game fully, just not in parts. Or just like going forward and then two steps backwards, forward and two steps backwards, because I’m jumping from time to timeline, every timeline, so every day is different.

EVERY day is different, but it’s scary for the human! Very scary!

But we are here, enjoying life!

Master Anna: Indeed!

Silvia: Even if she feels that she doesn’t connect with me, even that she thinks that I’m not here. But I am.

Master Anna: Yes.

Silvia: So, with time.

With time, we’re gonna start bonding deeply.

And I say it because it’s not only my human that is doubting. It’s a lot of humans listening here later, and that’s why I am saying it. Because even my human, when she has those days, she can come back and listen to this, and then she connects herself again.

Master Anna: Yes.

Silvia: So, doubt is everywhere. Everywhere! Chaos is everywhere! But enjoy it. It’s just a game.

Master Anna: It’s just a game.

Mmm…

The human has a hard time seeing it, but it’s such a beautiful game!

Oh, John and Romana have been through some experiences in the last few weeks that got a little bit strange at times, and a little bit scary at times, and I was watching. And I kept reminding John to just be still, to just watch and let it happen, and that it’s all going to work out beautifully. And it did!

Ahh…

Thank you for sharing!

Anybody else?

Monika: Am I unmuted?

Master Anna: You’re unmuted, yes.

Monika: I have all this turmoil. I don’t know where to start.

Master Anna: It doesn’t matter where, just start.

Monika:Perhaps where I find myself at the moment, in a total chaos, in a human chaos, overwhelmed by a lot of different things like avalanches coming over me, so that I feel, on a human level, totally exhausted. Because I’m fighting against it and I’m complaining, and I’m torturing myself.

I was diving totally into the chaos since a few days already, because a lot of challenges came on different levels of my life. And I started judging myself about this, because I felt the sweetness of my soul, and yeah, now I’m feeling myself in an upside down and I can’t see the beauty and the joy.

That’s where I am at the moment.

Master Anna: What if you didn’t fight the chaos?

What if you could just watch it?

Monika: I started trying to solve it by the human mind.

Master Anna: That doesn’t work anymore.

Monika: No! [laughter]

And I gave it to my soul, but the feeling overwhelmed and struggling was still there.

I couldn’t… I tried to find a way out of this feeling overwhelmed, because I gave it to the soul so I don’t have to feel overwhelmed anymore. And then the chaos was complete.

Master Anna: What is the ‘overwhelmed’?

Monika: It’s the mind trying to do something.

Master Anna: Yes.

Something we talked about in the channel we released recently called Releasing the Patterns, is that you can’t…

Mmm…

Let’s see if we can say this the best way.

It is very difficult to feel your soul in the past or the future, and when you are trying to solve the problem, you are in the future.

And so you are not going to feel your soul there, because your soul doesn’t live in the past or the future. It doesn’t exist there. That’s a human imagination, a human construct. It is all within your soul’s imagination, but you can’t find your soul there. You have to come back to now.

And now isn’t about time, or even a point in time. It is an awareness.

It’s just coming back, letting everything else go that has to do with the future or the past, and just coming back to the awareness of yourself.

That’s the true now: the awareness of you.

I am that I am.

It’s a wonderful trigger phrase. You can find whatever phrase works for you, but I am! I am this! I am here!

That is the now, and that is where your soul meets you.

Oh, that’s not the right word, but that is where you can feel your soul.

Does that make sense?

Monika: Yes, thank you.

Master Anna: And all those other things, oh, sometimes they’ll get really crazy because you’re not paying attention to them in the same way anymore. Sometimes they’ll fall apart. Can you trust that?

Can you allow them to just be, and do whatever they need to do? Because if they fall apart, if they go out of your life, they are making room for something even better. And that ‘better,’ if nothing else, is this I am here. This presence with your soul.

And that is the place where you can truly observe life. That is the place where you can observe, where you can watch, all of this chaos going on around you, and not get stressed out. Because the stress is in trying to fix it and trying to manage it.

The real stress is in going off into the future, trying to fix the future, and losing touch with your soul while you are there. That is where you feel the stress.

Come back to now. Come back to here.

I am here, and everything that matters to me comes to me, right here. I don’t have to go fix it. I don’t have to go pull it in. It all comes to me, right here. But it helps if I am here to receive it.

Mmm…

And we know, from experience with John, how challenging that is sometimes!

The mind gets so desperate to go out and fix these problems it sees, or to make peace with this person that’s gone a little crazy and that twists everything you say, something John and Romana had to deal with recently.

It’s challenging to be in the now with that!

And remember: This is me. It’s all me. It’s all my creation, and I don’t have to do anything about it. I don’t have to be right. I don’t have to do it right. I don’t have to fix anything. Because everything that matters to me now comes to me. It might not be what I thought it should look like. It might mean everything I’m used to falls apart, but it’s just making room for the new that will serve me so much better.

Monika: There is still a pattern in me that I have the illusion that when I would sit down on a bench, it would be much easier to be myself than to deal with every day things from my life or business. And I’m falling all the time then into the illusion that I have to do something, because it’s about business decisions or doing this, doing that.

And I have the idea that there is a point I am not totally clear with myself. I’m stepping all the time into the old game there. The mind makes noise, and I step in it.

Master Anna: So now, from this place, right where you are right now, feel back into this now moment. You are looking in the eyes of your own divinity, back where you started from. Back home.

You are bringing all of this to her. Or him, or however you see it. It doesn’t matter, but it’s like this incredibly loving—the word “mother” comes to mind, but it’s way beyond that.

Look in her eyes.

And bring her all of these feelings that you’re talking to us about.

You don’t have to tell her in words, you just open your arms and show her.

She knows. She feels everything you feel.

Look in your eyes, in her eyes.

What do you see there?

Monika: Acceptance.

Master Anna: Indeed.

Now ask her what she can tell you about this. What does she say?

Monika:She says just to stay with me. Just be still. I’m just there to be here, with me. Stay in my arm. I’m here.

Master Anna: Indeed.

Monika: And I have a picture in me: just don’t go out of my arms. Just stay in my arms, whatever happens. Like a baby in the arms of the mother, and the baby knows the mother is always full of love and nurturing and hugging and accepting.

Master Anna: Mmm…

John often thinks of… From his Christian background there’s this poem and this picture that often goes around, called Footsteps. Somebody is walking along the beach with Jesus, and they’re chatting. And he looks behind them and sees that in places there are two sets of footprints, and in places there is only one. He looks at Jesus and he says, “Those were the places where things were the most difficult for me. Why did you leave me then?”

And Jesus says, “Those were the places where I carried you.”

And that is how Soul is. It’s here to carry us, if we let it. It carries us through, and everything that matters comes to us.

A lot of things we thought mattered fall apart, or fall away, if we can let that happen. It’s hard to let it happen, but if it is not working out then it’s time to let it go, because something better will replace it.

And if it’s too hard, if you can’t figure out what decisions to make, then you just show up when it’s time to make the decision, and make one! Because it doesn’t matter. Your soul is going to make it the right decision no matter what you choose.

The result might not be what you expected or what you thought you needed, but it will end up being better. Because you are home.

The journey is over. It’s been over for a little while now.

Mmm…

Our friend who sent in the question asked, “It’s been seven months since Heaven’s Cross. What happened then, and why is it still going on?”

Well, you could say, in a sense, that’s when you got home. And now you are getting used to being home.

Now you are getting used to a life that is so different! Your body is getting used to it. Every part of you is getting used to it. And a lot of things need to go out of your life in order to make room for all that beauty and all that amazing new life that’s coming in. But it’s coming into your now moment, your presence, your I am here.

Hmm…

What else?

Monika: Thank you.

Master Anna: You’re welcome. Thank you for being here!

There are so many other people that are going through similar things, including the others in this class who can’t make it to the live session, so I’m sure they are thanking you too.

Monika: I just had the imagination of being the baby in the arm of my soul, as a human, and I saw life passing by. And I had the imagination, as soon as I try to fix something in my life, or just try to do it by my mind, it’s going to be more struggling, more difficult, more hard, more twisted.

Master Anna: Indeed.

Monika: And the more I stay just in the sweetness of these arms and be, and be relaxed in myself, yet the more, the brighter it is, the wider, the smoother, the more in flow, the more life is developing itself in front of me with an easiness. And I don’t have to do anything, just say, “Oh, wow! Yeah, that’s it! That’s exactly what I would like to experience!”

Thank you very much Master John, Master Anna.

Master Anna: Thank you, Master Monika!

Monika: Thank you.

Master Anna: Mmm…

How about you, Chris?

Chris: I’m alright. Sorry, I’m really exhausted. Last night was a sweaty, brief, I wouldn’t even call it sleep, except I did want to concur. Man, you started that channel just with, “You are home,” or whatever you said. But I’ve been feeling that so much lately!

It’s a choice of focus, in terms of what I want to be experiencing right now. Still integrations and body stuff happening, but it’s so easy to tune into that feeling of home. And to stop the search and realize that the human is more of a habit at the moment.

I’m starting to see the human as the habit within my consciousness, right?

Master Anna: Indeed!

Chris: This is really funny! I was drifting back into myself, and into myself, and into myself, and I realized that it’s literally just focus. I’ve just been so focused on this human and on the guilt and the shame that’s tying me to any remaining human story, but eventually the focus is just gonna snap and I’m really myself. So that’s been feeling good as I’m laying there and diving into myself.

What else? Peace, the deep feelings of peace, and not needing to earn peace as well, right?

Talking about releasing patterns! You don’t have to earn peace. It’s our birthright. How crazy is that?

Um, that’s something else I’ve been feeling recently, but I don’t have a lot more right now. But I’m happy to be here with everyone, as always.

Master Anna: Mmm…

So, back to this now moment, where you asked the question.

Ah, you are the answer to that question.

Everything you have been through is part of that answer. It’s not a failure. It’s not something wrong. It’s not something you got wrong, or that you shouldn’t have done. It’s just a part of the answer to your own question.

Mmm…

Now here you are, blended together with a part of you that, well, felt like it stayed behind. And in a way it did, but all of this—oh, universes within universes, it seems so big and vast to the human! They are all, simply, the answer to your question. Simply, YOU!

Everything that happened in them, every other being that appeared to be in them, is all you!

It’s all an experience.

It is all something that you are.

And that…

Whatever it is, whatever part of my reality I happen to look at: I am that.

I am that tree over there. I am that bird. I am the chair that John is sitting on. I am the computer that is connecting with your computer, and that is creating this shared experience that is both shared and also completely separate.

I am the one who created this version of that experience. And it is similar to yours, but it is also different.

It is all Self. It is all your soul. And now you know that, because now you are home.

You always were home. You have never gone anywhere, but you created this grand experience of going somewhere. A very real experience, and now you are home.

Let yourself feel that.

Maybe make a note of it to remind you over the next days: Welcome home!

See—oh, feel—this divinity, this soul, this grand mother, or however it feels good to you to imagine it. It’s real!

Feel as it holds you. Feel as it blends with you. Feel the wisdom that comes in with her.

Oh, it’s not wisdom like the mind. It’s not about understanding the physical life. That’s what your mind does.

This wisdom is so much deeper than that. It comes to you as pure knowing. A knowing that, if you pay attention to it, if you trust it, lets you know in every moment what to do with that moment.

It’s not going to tell you what to do in the future, or what you should do. It’s going to show you in the moment what to do with this moment, and what to do in any situation. You’ll just know. You’ll have a feeling.

Oh, very likely your mind will argue with that feeling and say, “No, that’s crazy!” But if you’ll trust the feeling, yes, something might fall apart. But something new and beautiful will come in, something you can’t even imagine yet.

Oh, the human keeps thinking it needs to “imagine” in order to create, but that’s not how it works at all.

You cannot imagine the things that are coming for you, the potential that are coming into your life. You haven’t experienced them yet, so how could you possibly imagine them?

Instead, be here. Be here with your soul. Feel your soul’s perspective.

She senses all those potentials out there, and the wisdom that she brings shows you, in each moment, what the next step is to let that in.

So, be home.

There is no need any more to go chasing off after all these things you think are important.

Be here.

Be with your soul, and watch what comes to you. You’ll be amazed!

We did our little class a year or so ago about How to Change Your Life, and it all came down to, you let go of the human agendas and be here. You let the river carry you.

Except the river is… Oh, you are the river! And you just watch the scenery go by and watch the beauty come to you.

Mmm…

So, welcome home!

Let the integration be done.

Oh, you can still struggle with your integration for as long as you want to. Or you can let it be done, and just be in the experience.

It’s all you.

It’s all home.

Just watch it.

Don’t try to figure it out, don’t try to change it. Just be in it and see what happens.

Ahh…

And we’ll see you in two weeks!

And so it is.

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