The Colors of Darkness

Have you noticed how the darkness is rising? It’s rising all around us, and it’s rising in our own lives and inside of us. Why? How do we cope with it?

This message was given at our recent workshop entitled, Opening to Soul—Discovering Freedom, facilitated by myself and my beloved wife, Romana Aniya Ercegović, at our home in Slovenia. We offer a special Thank You to the beautiful and masterful participants who came, and who helped to bring this profound and timely message through!

Also, I want to leave a link to the beautiful Tobias channel mentioned in this message. It is Shoud 12, The Darkness is Your Divinity, at the bottom of this page:


Audio Recording – Full (no advertisements)

The Colors of Darkness
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Audio Recording – Drumming Only

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The Colors of Darkness

By John McCurdy and Romana Aniya Ercegović, 24 April 2024

This transcript has been edited from the original recording to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed as clearly as possible. Note that Hmm, Mmm, Ahh, and lines with just a dot signify places to pause, and to feel into yourself and what is being said.


Hello! My name is John McCurdy, and I channel soul. Or divinity. It’s all the same, in a way.


Oh, last weekend, as I record this it was just a few days ago, my beloved wife, Romana, and I led this workshop in our home in Slovenia, called Opening to Soul.

It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. We went so deep, just the right people came, and it was truly a gathering of masters.

On the second day… Oh, I’d been feeling this channel coming for the whole week before, and on the second day it was time to let it out. And I channeled Darkness. The darkness. The metaphorical, archetypal darkness, and also the darkness of myself, of my own divinity. Oh, that’s a strange concept for a lot of people, but it is one of the most liberating, beautiful concepts that have ever come into consciousness.

I knew that this channel needed to be made available to others, that it needed to be released publicly, and with the permission of the group that’s what I’m doing.

We begin this session with dear Romana and a little bit of breathing, and then she shares a beautiful poem that she wrote about the darkness. Then the channel begins, and I encourage you to take time to really feel what is said.

At the end Romana did some drumming for a little while. I encourage you to allow yourself to feel that, to allow this incredible integration to happen within you.

If you are one who prefers to read the transcript, that’s fine. I will make the drumming available as a separate audio on the website, and I would encourage you to listen to that after you’ve read the channel, just to let it soak in and integrate.

So, I wish to thank my sweet wife Romana, Romana Aniya Ercegović. I wish to thank everyone who was present at this workshop, this beautiful experience, because each one of you who were here helped to bring in these energies, this consciousness, and this message. Thank you!

I also wish to thank everyone who supports what I do here with a financial contribution. There’s a button for that on the website, and it really helps! And also, just your messages of appreciation. It means so much to the human me to see that these messages mean something to people! So thank you, all of you, for your support.

And now, let’s get to this beautiful message.




Okay dear friends, welcome!

Welcome again in this sacred, safe space, in the Circle of Masters.

I would invite you to take a deep breath, deep in your belly.

To feel yourself.

To just feel present here.

I invite all of you here, to you.

And, in the beginning, I would like to read you a poem that I wrote about darkness:

Why are you turning away from me?
my darkness asked.

Why are you pushing me away?

Why are you ashamed of me,
denying me?

Please, cry with me.
I need you.

I’m hurting here
in this secret corner.
I’m so alone,
so ashamed.

I scream in anger,
I hurt others,
I destroy,
because it hurts so much to be alone
in this dark hole,
pushed away
from your bright world.

I need you,
come and get me.
Feel me.
Feel my pain
behind the anger,
behind the cold, stiff face of mine.

Come and get me,
I sit here like a little child
who was denied love,
longing for a hug,
like a cheated woman
longing for acceptance,
like a disgraced man
longing for dignity.

I need you to feel.

I need you to feel the trust again,
to hear from you that I am safe,
and to feel loved by you.

Don’t waste your time on anger,
on revenging me.
I need you here with me,
to bring me joy,
to show me I am worthy of love.

Hold me,
feel me,
my darkness says.

Your darkness says.

Why are you so afraid of me?
I am also your Divinity.

Just breathe.

I will just invite you to breathe with yourself.

With your darkness.

With your feelings.

And allow your darkness to come closer.

To come closer to you.

Give permission to whatever you call darkness, to reveal to yourself.


The Darkness:


I am that I am!

And I am the darkness.

And with your permission, if you choose to allow it, I also represent your darkness.


So, what is darkness?

John was disappointed a while back when he heard someone say, “The darkness is the unknown.”

Oh, certainly the unknown can feel dark. But when a group of you gathered almost 20 years ago and asked dear Tobias to talk about the darkness, it wasn’t the unknown that you were talking about. You said, “The darkness is our divinity.”

And that was an entirely new concept. It had not been known in consciousness before.


You see, let’s go back—ah, this word ‘time,’ go back in time—but it was before time, before time existed. It was at the beginning of your experience, but it was truly only a breath away. So let’s go there right now.

You discovered yourself in the void. There was nothing. Oh, and even ‘nothing’ is too much of something to describe how you discovered yourself.

You were simply awareness. That’s all you were, that’s all there was. And you asked yourself, who am I?


And in that moment, you found yourself looking at a mirror image of you.

You gave that image life. You imagined it into being. And this being that was you, and yet that seemed somehow separate from you said, “I am going to go and discover, in every way I can, who I am and who we together are.”

And that part of you, you could say, went out. But really you went in, inside yourself.

It was the beginning of duality.

There was this explorer part of you that went out. And there was—sometimes you call it the soul—that stayed behind, in a sense. It went to sleep, in a sense.

Don’t take any of this too literal.

And you went out and began to explore.

Oh, you discovered so many parts of you, so many ways of experiencing you!

It felt like you were ripped apart. It’s been called ‘the wall of fire,’ but it felt like you were ripped apart into all these fragments. Each one a different experience, a different piece of who you are.

As you went out, all these incredible experiences were so distracting that you forgot where you came from. You forgot this other part of you that first imagined you, that stayed behind to hold the cord, you could say, so that you couldn’t get too lost, and to collect the wisdom, the essence, from all of these experiences.

In that forgetting you got caught in these experiences, in a way.

You began to feel alone.

Some of these experiences were incredible, incredibly beautiful! And some of them were very painful.

And then you began to run into others.


You discovered that you could create, and then you ran into these others. They were discovering the same things, and they also felt lost, because they too had forgotten their source.

You see, that forgetting was necessary in order to truly have the experiences. But it also created issues, because without that perspective of your soul, of who you truly are, you didn’t know how to deal with the difficult, painful experiences.

As you began to deal with others, to interact with others, you began to hear their songs. You began to harmonize with those songs, and you found yourselves creating your reality in harmony with that other being’s song. And they created a reality in harmony with yours, and in that way you suddenly had this shared experience.

And then you created.

You didn’t really understand how creation worked. Things just popped up around you, because you didn’t understand that they came from you, that they were your creations, and you began to… Ah, you would create something, and this other being would see it and go, “I don’t like that! Take that away!”

But you didn’t know how you created it, so how could you take it away? And it became very, very confusing. And you’ve heard the stories of the wars that happened, long before Earth was even a thought. The battles. The intense, intense battles, the fighting among yourselves.

And as this happened—because you had forgotten your source, you had forgotten why you were here—oh, you saw people, angels, get hurt.

Oh, nobody could die, nobody could be hurt permanently, but you saw things happen and you felt ashamed. You saw the results of your own creations and your own actions, and you felt ashamed. You felt the attacks of these others and you took them in, and you hurt. And you felt ashamed for that. Then you hurt them back, and you felt even more ashamed.

And so you began to… Oh, you found yourself unable to function with all of this shame, and feeling more lost than ever, so you pushed it away. But there was only one place to push it, and that was deeper into you. And your soul said, “Okay, I’ll hold that. I’ll take that and I’ll hold it, for now.” Because your soul could feel what was happening, and it loved you so much.

So, you’ve heard the stories. You went through all of this experience, and at some point it became so intense—you could say that the shame became so deep—that creation began to slow down. You felt yourself getting even more lost, so you got together with the others and said, “We have to do something!” And you created this planet you call Earth.

Someone volunteered to embody in this rock and to bring life into it, with the assistance of so many of you. You created this place where you could dive so deep into yourself, into your own creation, and slow everything down so that you could begin to discover what was happening and how these energies worked, how this creation worked. And ultimately to discover the answer to that question, Who am I?

As you dove into embodiment on Earth you went through another layer of forgetting, because you knew it was necessary. You gave your mind the job of holding the veil, of distracting you from anything related to your soul or to anything outside your human perceptions, and you went through lifetimes and lifetimes here on Earth.

Oh, you made all these experiences so real!

On Earth you could kill someone, or you could be killed. It was only the body that could be damaged, but from the human perspective that was all you knew. And oh, you found people attacking you! And you didn’t have any choice but to kill them, or to be killed yourself.


All of this time there was this search for home going on, which became a search for power. If only you could get enough power, maybe you could find your way home. Maybe you could fill that longing within your own heart. It didn’t work, but along the way you really got hurt.

You dove deep into the depths of the pain, and along the way you lashed out and you hurt others. And that was even worse, so you pushed those memories away. And your soul said, “I’ll take them. I’ll hold them, until the right time.”

You came back, lifetime after lifetime, until finally you began to understand how creation works. Oh, the human still wonders if it truly understands, but that doesn’t matter because your soul understands now. Finally.

Finally, your soul understands!

Even if the human doesn’t, your soul understands who it is. But that understanding comes because of the human and all of these experiences.

Oh, the darkness…

You call it the darkness. It’s just a name, but the darkness is anything that you don’t like.

Anything that you don’t like.

Anything that you try to avoid.

Anything that you think is bad.

Anything that you try to fix or change.

It’s all the darkness.

It is your darkness, whether it is inside of you—something about you that you don’t like or that you think should be better or you think should be fixed or should be wiser, or whether it is in the world that you perceive around you.

Oh, there is so much around you! Wars, abusers of all kinds, power-hungry unconscious people who have not come to the answer for themselves yet. Your world is full of them! It is all part of the darkness.

And if you perceive it, it is your darkness.

Because when it comes right down to it, you live within your own reality and everything that you perceive is you.

Oh, there are many, many, many actors within you, who are playing roles in harmony with the songs of all these other beings that you have come to know. But they are still actors within you.


And that is why when you fight the darkness, oh, it hurts. It hurts you. But it is there, and it is so deep, and you are so, so ashamed of it!

So many experiences that you think you got wrong. But how can you get an experience wrong? It’s just an experience!

You thought you were supposed to somehow get it right or do it better, so it felt better. But the truth is, it was supposed to be just what it was. In every single case, it was only the human that had these agendas.

Oh, they were there by design. They pushed you to have more experiences. They distracted you from your soul, so that you wouldn’t pop out too soon and not have the experiences you needed.


So now here you are, and the darkness is coming up. It’s coming up inside of you—you’ve been feeling it—and it is coming up in the world all around you.

It is coming up because it is time.

For so long you pushed it all deep into your soul. You pushed it all away to where you couldn’t see it and you couldn’t feel it. And that was necessary, so that you could continue.

You would not have been able to continue if you’d had to face all of that back then. It simply wouldn’t have worked. Even as it is, there were many lifetimes where you died from shame, because you couldn’t face yourself. You couldn’t face what you had done, or what you had failed to do, according to your human mind, and the shame was so deep that you literally died.

Now all of that is coming back, because it is part of you. It has to be resolved. It has to come home.

You can’t get rid of it, ultimately. It’s not possible. It’s you. It is part of you. But now you have the wisdom and the knowing.

And dear human, it is not your human wisdom and your human knowing that matters. You have to trust that your soul has the wisdom and has the knowing. But you have to allow the process.

You are going to feel… As the one who has been called the ‘designated ascendee,’ you are the one who feels this darkness as it comes up.

Oh, the human wants to battle with it and push it back down. The human wants to go out and battle where it sees the darkness coming up in the world around you. It wants to stop all these mean and nasty people, all these power mongers that are waging war, that are raping women and abusing little girls. It wants to go out and stop them and punish them, and make them hurt like you have hurt so many times.

But you have already done that. You have already fought those battles. You have killed those people in other times. The same ones! And you found out that, ultimately, that hurts even worse.

Now is the time for the darkness to come home.

Now is the time for you to claim your divinity.


But claiming your divinity includes your darkness. It includes everything you see that you don’t like, and that you do like. It is all you! It is all your divinity!

But you cannot have what you like back, unless you also allow what you don’t like.

Because otherwise you are still fighting a battle, and ultimately, that battle is only with yourself. And it hurts.

Oh, the human says, “Okay, what do I do? How do I let my darkness come home?”

You don’t have to do anything, except let it happen.

It is your soul’s job. Your soul held that darkness, and now your soul has the wisdom. Because of you, your soul has the wisdom to welcome that darkness home.

But in that process you are going to feel it, because you have to own it, as you.

You have to take ownership of it.

Instead of pushing it away you have to say, “Yes, that is also me!

That is what it means to say, I am that I am:

I am, certainly, everything I like.

And I am also everything I don’t like, everything I’m afraid of, everything I don’t want to look at. It is all part of me.

I am that also, and from this day forward I am willing to look. I don’t always know where to look from the human perspective, but I am willing to let my soul show me. I am willing to look.

I am willing to look through my soul’s eyes, to feel my soul’s perspective of compassion and love, and even joy, for all of these dark and difficult experiences.

I am willing to look, and I am willing to allow this darkness to exist.

Oh, that’s a big one!

I am willing to see this darkness, and I am willing to allow it to exist within me and all around me.


Can you do that?

Because this… This is where you find home.

This is where you find freedom.

When you no longer have to do battle with all of these things you don’t like, or even feel ashamed of them, or even judge them as mean or hateful or abusive or any of that, that is compassion. And that is what sets you free.

And that is what, in time, sets the world free.


Oh, all these people in the world that are doing all these horrible things—you call them horrible—you see, to them, what they are doing is light and what you are doing is darkness. It is all a matter of perspective!

The leaders who are starting and fighting wars are doing it because it’s the only way they know how to take care of their people.

The men who go to these wars specifically to be soldiers, to kill each other, they do it because they are trying to find themselves. They are trying to prove themselves. Or they are trying to protect their own families. From their perspective, they are in the light and you are in the dark.

The men who rape women and children, they have such a deep loneliness, such a deep, deep hole inside of themselves, and it’s the only way they can find to try to fill that hole. To try to feel a little bit of something, of comfort. It doesn’t work. It makes the hole deeper, but they have to go through that. Each one of you have been through that in other lifetimes. It is part of finding themselves.

And the ones who are abused by them, they too are going through their own experiences of finding themselves. And each of you have been through those experiences, too.

So, can you have so much compassion that you can see the light that is the darkness?


When you look inside yourself the human is always looking at, “What did I do wrong? Who did I disappoint? What do I need to fix? What do I need to do better?” And in that, you just create more shame deep in your own darkness. And the truth is, none of that works.

The human argues and says, “Oh, look at all the things I’ve fixed in my life!”

Well, did you fix those things by battling them? Or did they somehow change when you let go of them?


Can you accept those things, instead of trying to fix them?

Can you allow yourself to disappoint the people around you, or even to make them think you are crazy?

Can you allow who you are to shine forth in all of your light, and in all of your darkness?

Then you will be free.

Then this thing you call the darkness will no longer run your life, because you won’t be battling it. And as you have already discovered, everything that you battle, those are the things that run your life.

Oh, we’ve talked about aspects. Such a valuable perspective!

But then you began to battle your aspects, and that just made them worse. But now you are learning to simply welcome them home, and then they no longer run your life. And they bring you their wisdom.

Every single aspect represents an experience, and the more deeply buried the aspect has been, the deeper and more beautiful the wisdom that comes from that experience.


So now, let’s come back to this point, this point outside of time. It is before time and it is after time, all at once.


You went off to discover who you are.

You come back now, and you see this being.

Oh, you expect it to be this bright light, but you discover that you are the bright light. And this beautiful being is, in one sense, as dark as coal. As black as night.

That is your soul.

That is your divinity.

And to her, you are so bright!

You come with so much experience, such huge gifts!

That is why we said recently, “Who do you think your soul thinks of when it thinks of its divinity?”

It is you.


So now, as you come home in all of your brightness and your glory, you find your soul.

And she opens her arms to you.

And as you blend together, her darkness that she has held for you and your brilliance that you have discovered in all of your experiences, oh, it is like an explosion that happens!

The darkness and the light reunite, and the result is this being that is so grand! So beautiful!

And that is you.

Oh, the human still can only perceive a little bit of it, but you are feeling so much.

And this being, it is you.

You know it now. You feel it now.

Not through the human senses, but through the soul senses, which are yours now. You left them behind when you came to be a human, because you needed to, but now they are here.

Because, you see, it isn’t just that you have come home to your soul. Your soul has woken from her long sleep and has come home to you.

Right here. Right here on Earth. And everywhere else at the same time, because it is all you.

In a sense, you could say there is no more darkness and there is no more light. There is just you in your brilliance and your glory, in your grandness.

And that changes everything.

And it changes the mass-consciousness around you.

It changes your world.

It changes your experience of your world.

But you can still see all of that mass-consciousness, with those patterns and templates and all that make up that shared experience. You can still see it, but now that you are not battling it, it doesn’t have to affect you.

Now you can create your own experience, your own reality, and there is no more darkness and no more light. There is just the beauty of you.

And all around you, there is the beauty. Hear that! There is the beauty of all of these beings going through their own journey, their own experience of discovering their own incredible grandness.

Whether they are the worst abusers or the most abused, they are discovering their own beauty in that!

Can you let them?

Instead of feeling sorry for them and for their pain, can you let them have it?

Because that is what got you here. You needed to dive deep into what you call the darkness and experience all of that pain, because it is all part of you.

Can you allow them to have theirs?

It can’t affect you unless you take it on. And now you have the freedom and the wisdom and the light and the darkness and the colors, and the wisdom, to create your own world in your way.

Oh, there is still the part of the human that sees that as power and wants to know, “How do I do that?”

Dear human, take a breath.

You open up to all that you are, including the darkness, including all the darkness that appears to be outside of you, and you say to your soul, “I’m here. I’m ready. Bring it. Show me whatever I need to see, and let’s create together now. Because now we know who we are.


I am that I am, and I am, let’s just say, your colors. Your divinity. Your wholeness. Your home.

Welcome home!

Welcome home all of you, and all of me!

And so it is.

[drumming begins]


Copyright © 2024 by John McCurdy — All Rights Reserved

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